If you have lived in Thailand for a few years, or several years like many ex-pats have, the girls can tell very quickly. Most bar girls, for example, will treat a newbie in town much better than a Pattaya veteran. The reason is that most tourists, also known as a “two week millionaires”, will tend to be flash with the cash and don’t mind buying expensive lady drinks. Most ex-pats, on the other hand, will be aiming to get a good deal for their money, especially in low season! (There are a few foreign play boy millionaire ex-pats in town, but they are few and far between.)

It can be fun to play the fool and pretend you’re a newbie in town, play your cards right and you can watch the girls lining up for you all hoping to help empty your aching wallet! It is recommended that you go on a bar crawl in virgin territory where no-one knows you and take a ‘wing Man’ who is showing you around town for the first time. He will introduce you to the girls and basically shows you the ropes! For the charade to work there are a few do’s and don’ts of course.

Do look around the bar, appear a little taken aback too, after all it’s the first time you’ve been to Thailand and seen such lovely ladies.

Do be polite when you are introduced to a girl, shake her hand and ask her name. Try a few times pronouncing her name wrong before getting it right, after all you don’t speak any Thai right?

Do answer the 4 questions you will get asked on being introduced to a girl. What your name? Where you from? How old you? How long you stay Thailand? Of course, you don’t need to use your real name etc, but try to remember who you are! If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything! But, that could get you in trouble at a later date…

Do offer to buy the young wench, now hopefully sat on your lap, a drink. If she says ‘I go dance now’ after a sip or two she is probably waiting for a rich regular client, doesn’t sense your money becoming her money, does not fancy you or has smelt a rat and knows you stay long time already!

Don’t speak any Thai! When a girl says “sa wat di ka” just reply “hello what’s your name?” and offer to shake hands. She will probably wai, again you haven’t seen this before. You could ask what she said and repeat, of course she will laugh as ‘sa wat di ka’ is said by ladies, ‘sa wat di krub’ for men!

Don’t get distracted by what’s on the TV’s in the bar, be it cricket, football, music videos etc. Take a look around and you can easily spot the ex-pats glued to the telly, completely oblivious to the girls dancing on stage provocatively right in front of them!

Many ex-pats drink the draft beer in the bars rather than bottled beers. A glass of draft beer in A Go Go can cost as little as 55 Baht as opposed to 120 Baht plus for some bottled beers. So if you really want to look like a tourist drink bottled beer or a short and a mixer.

OK, so your young lady is now convinced you’re a Pattaya newbie. Now what? Well you can play the game out, but it’ll cost you a bar fine and a room or signal your wing man it’s time to bail out and he will explain that you have a plane to catch in a few hours, or you are going on a coach trip early tomorrow and must go now. Either way it’s a game that’s fun to play, especially if you want to re-live your early Pattaya experiences, or simply just want to be treated like a ‘two week millionaire’!